I don't know what just happened but I woke up wide awake. It's still dark out. And I kind of feel like I've been dragged by a truck. Or maybe hit by a truck. Not sure.
My brain is going crazy. Like there's a revolution in my brain that I'm not a part of. It could have been the cough syrup....I don't do well with that stuff. The drowsy kind puts me into a walking coma.....and dangerous things happen that I can't control. But the nondrowsy kind sets my mind on fire and I have some freaked dreams and wake up every 13 mins. But I've never woken up like this before. I don't know what to do. I hate being awake before the sun.....unless I never went to bed. But that's not what happened.
I dreamt about either a factory or intense mansion with ropes and secret passages. Whichever it was, it was incredibly detailed.


I have to go shave....Lion, Witch, Wardrobe staff preview today.....my body better get it together. Or else.

I've got to get out of this place.

I feel like I'm a completely different person from who I was whenever my last post was....let alone when I started this blog.
I think that's pretty normal though...right? Particularly due to recent events, I guess.
So...
Here's what is on my mind:

You are your time.

Your life is defined by how you spend it, or what you do. Not anything like how successful or popular you are....right? Yes.
So at the end of your life all you have is your experience. So I want to experience things. I want to do things. Things beyond what I'm capable of. Things that I've been dreaming up for too long. But where to start... Do I move out of state? Out of Country? Go back to school? Leave for Peace Corps earlier than planned? Finally do the show I've been putting together for years?
Fuck. I don't know. I am just so unsettled right now. And so unhappy with things. Not that things are bad....things are actually pretty damn good. But I want to do better. I want to be better than now.


It's funny how one small experience can change you. Even if just temporarily. One small interaction has completely changed my direction. And everything I want to be.

I need to get out of here. I need to love something. Like never before.


This might or might not be true...but from my small perspective, you had everything.