Saturday, April 3, 2010
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I don't know what just happened but I woke up wide awake. It's still dark out. And I kind of feel like I've been dragged by a truck. Or maybe hit by a truck. Not sure.
My brain is going crazy. Like there's a revolution in my brain that I'm not a part of. It could have been the cough syrup....I don't do well with that stuff. The drowsy kind puts me into a walking coma.....and dangerous things happen that I can't control. But the nondrowsy kind sets my mind on fire and I have some freaked dreams and wake up every 13 mins. But I've never woken up like this before. I don't know what to do. I hate being awake before the sun.....unless I never went to bed. But that's not what happened.
I dreamt about either a factory or intense mansion with ropes and secret passages. Whichever it was, it was incredibly detailed.
I have to go shave....Lion, Witch, Wardrobe staff preview today.....my body better get it together. Or else.
My brain is going crazy. Like there's a revolution in my brain that I'm not a part of. It could have been the cough syrup....I don't do well with that stuff. The drowsy kind puts me into a walking coma.....and dangerous things happen that I can't control. But the nondrowsy kind sets my mind on fire and I have some freaked dreams and wake up every 13 mins. But I've never woken up like this before. I don't know what to do. I hate being awake before the sun.....unless I never went to bed. But that's not what happened.
I dreamt about either a factory or intense mansion with ropes and secret passages. Whichever it was, it was incredibly detailed.
I have to go shave....Lion, Witch, Wardrobe staff preview today.....my body better get it together. Or else.
Monday, November 24, 2008
I've got to get out of this place.
I feel like I'm a completely different person from who I was whenever my last post was....let alone when I started this blog.
I think that's pretty normal though...right? Particularly due to recent events, I guess.
So...
Here's what is on my mind:
You are your time.
Your life is defined by how you spend it, or what you do. Not anything like how successful or popular you are....right? Yes.
So at the end of your life all you have is your experience. So I want to experience things. I want to do things. Things beyond what I'm capable of. Things that I've been dreaming up for too long. But where to start... Do I move out of state? Out of Country? Go back to school? Leave for Peace Corps earlier than planned? Finally do the show I've been putting together for years?
Fuck. I don't know. I am just so unsettled right now. And so unhappy with things. Not that things are bad....things are actually pretty damn good. But I want to do better. I want to be better than now.
It's funny how one small experience can change you. Even if just temporarily. One small interaction has completely changed my direction. And everything I want to be.
I need to get out of here. I need to love something. Like never before.
This might or might not be true...but from my small perspective, you had everything.
I think that's pretty normal though...right? Particularly due to recent events, I guess.
So...
Here's what is on my mind:
You are your time.
Your life is defined by how you spend it, or what you do. Not anything like how successful or popular you are....right? Yes.
So at the end of your life all you have is your experience. So I want to experience things. I want to do things. Things beyond what I'm capable of. Things that I've been dreaming up for too long. But where to start... Do I move out of state? Out of Country? Go back to school? Leave for Peace Corps earlier than planned? Finally do the show I've been putting together for years?
Fuck. I don't know. I am just so unsettled right now. And so unhappy with things. Not that things are bad....things are actually pretty damn good. But I want to do better. I want to be better than now.
It's funny how one small experience can change you. Even if just temporarily. One small interaction has completely changed my direction. And everything I want to be.
I need to get out of here. I need to love something. Like never before.
This might or might not be true...but from my small perspective, you had everything.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
My mind is made up there's going to be trouble.
I just don't believe that at this point people can still be undecided. I think that is complete bull. You know who these candidates are. You know what they are about. Yes, in some places they overlap...but on most of the major issues they're black and white (that is not a racial joke).
I just get so frustrated by people on NPR who say they like both candidates and just haven't decided yet....
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? Are you alive? How have you managed to ignore the hours upon hours of ridiculous and lame media coverage? And the commercials? And the cancellation of prime time television for conventions and debates? You love prime time television.
I just have so little tolerance for people who can't see anything that's not right in front of them. People so caught up in their day-to-day that they have no idea that there is a bigger picture...no idea we're fucking all in this together. For better or worse.
Please don't misunderstand me. I understand that there are people not particularly dedicated to a certain party and who are weighing the issues to determine what's best for them. I appreciate your involvement and your awareness and I'm not necessarily talking to you. It's just difficult for me as a liberal-minded individual to feel that the progress I want to see happen is being halted for no good reason.
America, you frustrate me.
...after writing that I thought of Ginsberg's America...just because I like it, here's the end:
America this is quite serious.
America this is the impression I get from looking in the television set.
America is this correct?
I'd better get right down to the job.
It's true I don't want to join the Army or turn lathes in precision parts
factories, I'm nearsighted and psychopathic anyway.
America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.
I just get so frustrated by people on NPR who say they like both candidates and just haven't decided yet....
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? Are you alive? How have you managed to ignore the hours upon hours of ridiculous and lame media coverage? And the commercials? And the cancellation of prime time television for conventions and debates? You love prime time television.
I just have so little tolerance for people who can't see anything that's not right in front of them. People so caught up in their day-to-day that they have no idea that there is a bigger picture...no idea we're fucking all in this together. For better or worse.
Please don't misunderstand me. I understand that there are people not particularly dedicated to a certain party and who are weighing the issues to determine what's best for them. I appreciate your involvement and your awareness and I'm not necessarily talking to you. It's just difficult for me as a liberal-minded individual to feel that the progress I want to see happen is being halted for no good reason.
America, you frustrate me.
...after writing that I thought of Ginsberg's America...just because I like it, here's the end:
America this is quite serious.
America this is the impression I get from looking in the television set.
America is this correct?
I'd better get right down to the job.
It's true I don't want to join the Army or turn lathes in precision parts
factories, I'm nearsighted and psychopathic anyway.
America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.
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